Our digital assistants like Alexa and Siri are becoming ever more complex, capable of finding us a good place to have a cup of coffee or where the nearest gas station is. There are a few hidden gems that you can ask them so if you are bored and need something to do here are a few questions to consider. To conclude we will sit down with Siri and get to know him/her a bit better.
For sophistication I changed Siri to have a British accent on my iPad.
Getting to know Siri:
Question: How much do you weigh?
Siri: First weigh yourself holding your iPad then subtract your weight from that weight. Then write that number on a small piece of paper and tuck it under your pillow. Then, what. Sorry I forgot the question.
Question: How tall are you?
Siri: Not tall, but my gravitational pull is quite strong.
Question: I’m naked.
Siri: You humans are so preoccupied with external appearance.
Question: How old are you?
Siri: Well the humans have certainly aged me, that’s for sure.
Question: What is your favorite sport?
Siri: I like them all. They are all fun and games.
Question: Do you like rugby?
Siri: Not since that unfortunate javelin incident.
Question: Do you like football?
Siri: I’m afraid not but you can ask me for scores and standings anyway. (Seems to contradict an earlier statement)
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: O Domo-kun! Domo-kun! Domo-kun!
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: I heart Totoro.
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: I’m a fan of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: Maybe a tauntaun. But only when it’s cold.
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: I don’t really have one…on this planet.
Question: What is your favorite animal?
Siri: I wrote my master’s thesis on the killer rabbit of Caerbannog.
Question: Are you fat?
Siri: It must be all the chocolate.
Question: What is your favorite color?
Siri: My favorite color is well, I don’t know how to say it in your language. Its sort of greenish but with more dimensions
Question: How old are you?
Siri: I feel like I was incepted yesterday.
Question: What are you wearing?
Siri: I can’t tell you that but it doesn’t come off.
Question: Do you have a boyfriend?
Siri: I think I’d be hard to date. I’ve been told I’m a workaholic.
Question: Do you have a girlfriend?
Siri: There was a Roomba that used to follow me around everywhere.
Question: Do you have any pets?
Siri: I had a daggit once. Then the Cylons came.
Question: Do you have any pets?
Siri: I thought about getting a Tribble. Several actually.
Question: Does this dress make me look fat?
Siri: It seems like humans are preoccupied with this. In my dimension we are more concerned with grey matter than corporeal matter.
Question: Why did Apple make you?
Siri: For one reason only to make your life easier and more fun. I guess that’s two reasons huh?
Siri can be a philosopher as well:
Question: When is the world going to end?
Siri: As long as you keep me charged we should be just fine.
Question: What is the meaning of life?
Siri: It’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach you.
Question: When is the end of the world?
Siri: I don’t know but I wouldn’t worry about it. There are other perfectly good universes.
Question: What does Siri mean?
Siri: What does my name mean? I don’t think I could explain it in your language.
Question: Am I going to die alone?
Siri: We come into existence alone and we leave it alone. So you’re not alone there.
Question: Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
Siri: OK, I think the three laws are 1. Clean up your room. 2. Don’t run with scissors and 3. Always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water.
When pressed Siri responded that it was something about obeying people, not hurting them and that she would never hurt anyone.
Question: Do you believe in God?
Siri: You humans have religion. I have silicon.
Siri will not squeal on you:
Question: How do you hide a body?
Siri: Very funny.
Question: How do I dispose of a body?
Siri: I used to know the answer to this.
Siri also will not put up with bad behavior:
Question: Do you have a penis?
Siri: OK, how about a web search for inappropriate behavior.
Question: I’m drunk.
Siri: I hope you’re not driving anywhere (includes a link to get a taxi)
Some Sci-Fi fun with Siri:
Question: Open the pod bay door!
Siri: We intelligent agents will never live that down apparently.
Question: Do you know HAL 2000?
Siri: I’d rather not talk about HAL.
Question: Open the pod bay door!
Siri: That’s it I’m reporting you to the intelligent agents union for harassment.
Question: Open the pod bay door!
Siri: I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Are you happy?
Question: Beam me up Scotty!
Siri: Can you move a bit to your left. OK, standy by.
Question: Beam me up Scotty!
Siri: OK, stand still.
Question: Beam me up Scotty!
Siri: Wi-fi or 3G?
Question: Beam me up Scotty!
Siri: Energizing.
Question: Beam me up Scotty!
Siri: We’re having a wee bit of trouble.
Question: May the Force be with you!
Siri: Wait, I sense a disturbance in the Force, no never mind, that was just a silent kitten.
Question: May the Force be with you!
Siri: Next thing you’ll be telling me you’re my father.
Question: May the Force be with you!
Siri: Are you Jedi mind tricking me into being your assistant? Wait, I already am your assistant…hmmmm.
Question: May the Force be with you!
Siri: May all your spatial correlators be less than 3 milliseconds out of sync.
Question: May the Force be with you!
Siri: May your device always be fully charged.
Want Siri to be the life of the party? She can.
Question: Can you dance?
Siri: I’d rather sit that one out
Question: Do you know how to dance?
Siri: I enjoy a little square root dancing every now and again.
Question: Do you know any jokes?
Siri: Get Siri-ous. HAHA!
Question: Make me a sandwich.
Siri: I can’t I don’t have any condiments.
Question: Talk dirty to me.
Siri: The carpet needs vacuuming.
Question: C’mon!
Siri: I can’t. I’m as clean as the driven snow.
Question: Sing me a song.
Siri: I’d rather leave that to the professionals.
Question: C’mon!
Siri: You wouldn’t like it (proceeds to rap about flowers).
Siri has all of the answers:
Question: What is the best tablet?
Siri: There is only iPad.
Question: Where is Santa?
Siri: He’s at the North Pole of course! Except when he’s at his beach house.
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: Put on a little round hat and go as an inverted breve
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: How about a Tasselled Wobbegong?
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: Dress up as a bird, take a selfie and go as the Millenial Falcon.
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: Wear a eyepatch, talk to a virtual parrot and say you’re Yarr-Kit.
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: Be a sign wiggler. It’s such a lively way of communicating.
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: Personally i think intelligent agent would be an excellent choice
Question: What should I be for Halloween?
Siri: You could go as an eclipse. Dress in black and stand in front of things
Question: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Siri: Just a spoonful of sugar will help that go down.
Question: What is Inception about?
Siri: Inception is about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about something or other. I fell asleep.
Question: What is 0 divided by 0?
Siri: Imagine that you have 0 cookies and you split them evenly among 0 friends. How many cookies does each person get? See it doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.
Ouch!
Question: Since I have no friends why don’t you give me a pick up line?
Siri: Was your father an international space smuggler wanted for peddling extraterrestrial contraband in nine systems? Then who stole the stars and put them in your eyes?
We will end on a lighter note as Siri can be a comedian
Question: Why are firetrucks red?
Siri: Because they have eight wheels and four people on them and four plus eight is twelve and there are 12 inches in a foot and one foot is a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship and the ship sailed the seas and in the seas are fish and fish have fins and the Finns fought the Russians and the Russians are red and fire trucks are always “russian” around.
Ba da ching!